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I, for one, welcome our new cephalopod overlords

Após algumas considerações sobre a avançada psicologia dos octópodes, bobisbankrupt faz algumas singulares sugestões:

• Researchers could construct a board of lit buttons coded with different shapes and patterns linked to the bank’s computers.  Whenever the octopus makes a decision that improves the bank’s balance sheet, a machine will automatically reward it with a crab.  Over time, the octopus will instinctively avoid shady credit default swaps and toxic-mortgage-laced collateralized debt obligations.

• The octopus can’t talk, eliminating the risk of arrogant, embarrassing congressional testimony and bothersome questions from nosy state attorney generals.

• The octopus will not require a bonus, stock options or even a salary, thus adding millions to the bank’s capital.  All it will want is crabs.  Its staff should import the best crabs and have them prepared with different recipes to give the octopus variety in its environment.  Considering the steady leadership the octopus will provide in these dark financial times, it’s the least we can do.

• The octopus will not demand to be transported by private jet.

• There will be no need for scandalous accoutrements like $35,000 antique commodes or $87,000 area rugs.  The octopus will be happy with a big, clean tank of salt water with some simple toys to bat around and a pile of rocks to hang out in.

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Polvos são até mais baratos que macacos.  Uma win-win proposition.